In a company where I once worked two of the employees didn't speak to one another. Each said the other was 'difficult.' They had no intention of bridging the gap or healing the hurt. They simply avoided one another when they attended a meeting, or even an office party.

Everyone comes up against difficult people, demanding situations, and disappointing circumstances in every area of life - work, marriage, friendship. We can't avoid it. But we can do something about it.  And we don't have to quit our jobs, divorce our mates, or move out of the neighborhood to get relief. 

What does it take to face and deal with difficult people?  I believe it includes the willingness to:

1.  Make the most of the differences

We usually attract people who are our opposites.  The leader enjoys being friends with a person who is peaceful and dependable.  And the serious, thoughtful individual likes the stimulation that a playful, outgoing person provides.  These differences, however, can also  create friction.  The strong personality wants things done now and doesn't understand why he can't have his way immediately.  The  reflective person wants to think things through and look at all the odds before making a decision.  If we see these differences as gifts instead of difficulties, we can make the most of them.

2.  Trust that the other person also wants harmony

If you approach a difficult person with the belief that he is as eager as you are to restore harmony, you can make the first move, knowing the result will be something you both want.  

Consider including these phrases in your conversations.  "I'm sorry for what I've done to hurt you" and "I could be wrong." Neither one diminishes you.  It simply gives you the opportunity to open the door of dialogue and come to an agreement about what to do next.

3.  Recognize that conversation doesn't have to be confrontational

I thought that every time a colleague and I had a disagreement I had to confront him or her.  Now I see that all I have to do is ask to talk things over and promise to listen.  I can't believe the difference this has made in my work relationships.  In one situation, I wrote a letter to a person I felt uneasy with.  I asked to meet for coffee and conversation. I said I missed our relationship and wanted to clear the air.  The result was a victory for both of us. We may never be 'best friends,' but we are now civil to one another and we can work in the same environment without tension.

4.  Learn from others and allow them to learn from you

Remain open to other people's opinions, viewpoints, and ideas.  Share yours, as well.  Find something to appreciate and comment on in a favorable way. When people feel your allegiance and support, they will be drawn to your naturally--regardless of your differences. You may be surprised that as you come alongside a person you have perceived to be 'difficult,' you'll actually make a new friend.

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Karen O'Connor is a keynote speaker, published writer and writing consultant from San Diego, California. Visit Karen's web site: www.karenoconnor.com