Of course, not everyone would be happy working at home.  A professional water-skier could very well find it frustrating.  As would an astronaut and a soldier of fortune.  Then, too, many people could not imagine being without the stimulation of other people at work.  Of course, you could always learn to stimulate yourself.  That, however, is the subject of another essay.

Once you leave the confines of the traditional nine-to-five centralized work mode, a colorful rainbow of employment options appear.  If, though, instead of a rainbow, you're seeing more of a mural of Bigfoot, mouth foaming, chasing electrically glowing teenagers at a sleepover camp, try a detoxification diet and lay off those funny looking cookies your 19 year old
nephew offers when he visits.

Let's take a look at just some of the many advantages to working out of your home:

Wardrobe

If you want to wear Bermuda shorts with your beloved "Michael Bolton Rules" T-shirt, who's gonna know?  Or, if you like, you can work completely in the nude.  Just remember to put something on before you go to a meeting.  Unless you want to make a really strong impression.  And you're younger than ninety.

Lunch

Business lunches can be one of the biggest wastes of time and money during the working day.  But at home, you can microwave that can of Spaghetti-O's in three minutes and be back at your desk ten minutes later. On special occasions, add a sprig of parsley and use the heavier-weight paper plate.

Bosses 

We've all endured the horrors of the Boss From Hell.  Finally, you're the boss.  Congratulations.  But just because you're completely in charge, doesn't mean you should go easy on yourself.  Don't be afraid of making yourself work late, docking your pay, or forcing yourself to run personal errands that are completely outside the bounds of your job responsibilities.  After all, what are you going to do, fire yourself?

Environment

At work, you can be endlessly annoyed by other people's smoking, gum-chewing, knuckle-cracking, body odor, thermostat-adjusting, gabbing on the phone, or emitting cold and cough germs into your space.  At your home, though, you can be the one doing all those foul things.  Heck, you can even give yourself a raise for doing them.  God bless America.

The Kids 

If you work outside the house, the minute you come home, your kids assume you're fair game and belong to them.  "Play with me, mommy." "I'm bored, daddy."  And before you know it, you're exhausted, asleep on the couch, with your kids going through your pockets for loose change.  Home workers, however, need only say, "Not now--mommy's working."  Which is the child's signal to leave the room, find daddy, and harass him for loose change.

Schedule

Work as few or as many hours you choose, and work them when you choose.  Perhaps your most productive time is 2 to 7 a.m.  No problem. You might, however, look into the possibility that you're a vampire.  If so, you're in luck, as working from the home is the top choice of 97% of all vampires.  The remaining 3% prefer law firms, talent agencies, and daytime talk shows.

Perks

In the traditional office settings, the perks might include use of a company car, an expense account, and an assistant.  Home perks are much more varied, and include favorite soap opera viewing privileges, mid-morning two-hour shopping sprees at the mall, and trying out your new binoculars on your hunky, sun-bathing neighbor. 

Mark Miller is a former stand-up comic and current Los Angeles- based comedy writer, who has written and produced TV sit-coms, been a humor columnist for the Los Angeles Times Syndicate, and has produced a weekly comedic relationships feature for America Online.
 
 

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